Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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