Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
