I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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