They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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