Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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