; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
