i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
