We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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