He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
