hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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