I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
