My balls are so social today.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
