And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
