It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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