you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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