your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
