Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
