im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
that's an acceptable place to lick
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize