i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
