I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i think i have herpe
just one?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
