Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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