Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
