yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Two words: nipple clamps
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