I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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