Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
