you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
