Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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