he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i think my cat just said my name.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am available for nakedness
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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