I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Did I show you my penis last night?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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