i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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