Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
