So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
