My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
