You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
