We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
