I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
