I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
