You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize