every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
