I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
