The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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