I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
