I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
