dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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