White coat. Heels.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize