my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
