Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
