He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
