you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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