I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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