Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
