hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
