Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
