saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
