I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
