i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
