I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
