just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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