Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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