his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
