There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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