I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
