A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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