In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
