when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
