Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
