So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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