Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
