Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
