I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
