fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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