I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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