He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Houston, we have a blender
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
