i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
