Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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