just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
