3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
