Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
