He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize