She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
