all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
