Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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