I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
