I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
