Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
