Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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