If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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