If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
